One of the hardest things a person can do is admit that they were wrong or made a mistake. It takes a lot of courage to take accountability for your actions and choices. Definitely something that is easier said than done.
The last post I wrote, I talked about my relationship with my mother-in-law. I spoke about making amends with her and rebuilding our relationship. I’m proud to say that I did it! I made that courageous move to admit that I was wrong and that I made mistakes.
She arrived late at night and we had more company on their way the next day so I waited until morning to have a talk with her. I made sure that my daughter was present for this because I think it’s important for her to see an adult figure admit their mistakes and ask for forgiveness. If I want to be the female leader of the family then I need to step up and act like it. Be the good example.
The conversation was quicker than I expected. It went like this:
I reminded her that I study psychology and that a person cannot study psychology without assessing their own psyche. I explained how I was taking out my trauma with my own mother on her. I apologized for my behaviors and lack of affection toward her. I apologized for making her feel anything other than a valued member of the family. I stated that I would love to move forward with a new level of mutual respect and love.
She forgave me and gave me a teary hug of appreciation. She thanked me for my honesty and agreed to the new terms moving forward. My daughter sat quietly and took it all in. I wonder what was going through her mind at the time.
Immediately after the conversation I could feel a shift in her energy and see it through her micro-gestures. She was relaxed and really enjoyed herself. Not only was she more relaxed but so was my daughter and husband. They could both feel the lack of tension and stress. Normally when the whole family is under one roof for any amount of time fights break out. I’m happy to say that not one fight broke that weekend! Normally my daughter and Mother-in-law bicker constantly. Not once did they bicker that weekend! I honestly had the best time with her yet! I made sure to include her with the cooking tasks and cleaning up. And let’s face it, with 11 people in the house, it was not only needed but much appreciated. I could tell how touched she was to be included with these tasks, that she felt needed by me. I wanted to remind her through gestures like that that she has not been forgotten or pushed out of the family. That she is still needed and loved.
There was a point where, after my mother-in-law went home, the guys were all out in the hot tub. It was just myself and the other wives. If I am to be the new alpha female of the family I need to lead by example. I spoke to the other wives about my conversation with our mother-in-law. I expressed how good it felt to rise above the needless stress. I also apologized to them for the negative influence I was and spoke about my process to rise above. I also made sure to point out the benefits of this new course and how great it feels. One of the wives was quite receptive and also noticed the difference in energy. She mentioned that this was also one of her best visits. The other one is not so convinced but did notice the change. I probably did the most damage with her as far as negative influence goes, but she needs to come to these terms on her own.
So that’s it. That’s how I fixed my relationship with my mother-in-law. Not only did this courageous act mend our relationship but it also mended her relationship with my daughter. It brought the other wives and myself closer and removed tension between my husband and myself. It also removed a huge amount of stress and tension within the family units. Our “Monster-in-law” is not a monster any longer. I am proud of myself for being brave enough to make such a leap and take accountability for my actions. I feel incredibly empowered!
Now it’s time to shed some light on some of my other shadows. If I can be brave once, I can certainly do it again!
